A lot of the workshops on self-knowledge that I 've been taking show me, the fault lies within. And that there is no Fault. All is welcome as experience, no right no wrong. Just explore.
I understand that I wouldn't feel this fault/victimized by somebody else, if I didn't have those feelings within in the first place, maybe hidden under a thick cloth of ambition and thirst of world knowledge...
I fell, and became the most unproductive human-being in a society I've know. (I'm not comparing my self to homeless, because they have their worth, as though they are not so obvious doing something for society, they are there to reminds us indirectly of what we are capable to do with our own kind, and yes... the responsibility lies with all of us).
Curiosity?Has given up on me.I'm tuning out desires,the pills are on the rise....I need to know that someone sees thatThere's nothing left I simply am not here....In school I don't concetrateAnd sex is kinda fun,But just another one of all the empty waysof using up a day
- Fear of a blank planet
Needles to say, life has been showing me what my conscious can't quite understand, and I've been taking one hit after the other. Life is pushing saying: "believe in me damn it! believe in yourself".- Porcupine Tree
I understand we are all one. That none exist without the other. That isolation for ur whole life, leads to madness...and when you are ok with isolation, you have not learned to practice what you have learned with others, nor are you passing on the knowledge you have acquired...I get that... That if i better my self, my neighbor, my friends, get better... because it is like a an explosive energy field. Sadness expands and contaminates like a disease, but happiness, explodes and invades like a bomb, leaving the side-effects, during days... it is a much better energy, than feeling like a victim...
and even though I have all this mental knowledge, I have no emotional knowledge, which keeps me from expanding and rebooting... I search loness... but people keep coming into my life and helping me...so maybe the path is not to be alone...
"I got wiring loose inside my head I got books that I never ever read I got secrets in my garden shed I got a scar where all my urges bled I got people underneath my bed I got a place where all my dreams are dead Swim with me into your blackest eyes"
-blackest eyes
"I simply am not here no way I
Shut up be happy stop whining please
... The dust in my soul makes me feel the weight in my legs
My head in the clouds and I'm zoning out
I'm watching TV but I find it hard to stay conscious
I'm totally bored but I can't switch off
Water so warm that dayI counted out the wavesAs they broke into surfI smiled into the sunThe water so warm that dayI was counting out the wavesAnd I followed their short lifeAs they broke on the shorelineI could see youBut I couldn't hear you" -Anesthetize
- Porcupine Tree
I think meditation is required to acquire informations about one self, and to reach plenitude, so I search a monastery or a place to connect, during weeks, months, and years... no one wants me to go... and that one person that showed me who I really was, that unplugged me... that person is as lost as I am... that person searches to reboot self...
"We are broken, what must we do to restore our innocence?"
-We are broken
"I'm just one of those ghostsTraveling endlesslyDon't need no roadIn fact they follow meAnd we just go in circlesNow I'm told that this is lifeAnd pain is just a simple compromiseSo we can get what we want out of it"
- Misguided Ghosts
- Paramore
"We are just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl...yr after yr.. running over the same old ground...what have we found? The same old fears."
- Wish you were here
- Pink Floyd
I guess I'm angry for not being who I was... So convicted, so righteous, so full of certainties, and yet, achieving great things in a career path... helping others through volunteer work and doing exiting new things....
I'm angry because I like who I turned out to be, more willing, more accepting, and more open to new things, perspectives and people... however even though I have that, my inner will has died... the will to do , to live...i take no actions... it's a constant battle... to not think about how we came to be humans, but yet to live a life with sacrifices... why does it have to be with sacrifices? Plenty of books, sell the idea of the Universal law of Attraction, Action-Reaction , and so many other Universal Laws. And I do believe in all of them.
An episode ( as corny as this may sound) of Two and a half man shows how Charlie finds jobs. His bills are piling up, Allan takes action to be in a control group to test a new medicine- gets fucked as usual, and Charlie keeps repeating : "something will show up, don't worry", and eventually something just falls onto his lap. Ironic/comedic or not, it is a reality, that when you believe.... it comes.
Some religious thoughts say: you only receive what you ask , if you are a deserver of this.
Quite frankly, if these religions, believe that GOD is not a judgmental God, why would he only give it to you, if YOU DESERVE it , isn't that judging one's worth?
So no. Everyone is entitled to happiness, to finding a way, to everything they wish...
ASK AND YOU SHALL OBTAIN...
Of course, those who ask for murder, well, if their will is big enough, they are connected with that kind of energy that permeates the universe, and he will receive... the consequences are up to that individual or collectivity .
I believe in the Universal Laws, those surrounding me ...don't... I'm in a financial crises beyond my capacity... And the only solution everyone was able to come up with, is for me to go back to what I used to do...which.. and I stress it enough, gave me no financial return... But that I should continue in the same field of expertises, explore... Sure... I'd do it willingly, when my heart was set on it... now it is set on other things, and because my health doesn't allow me yet to treat others, I must go back into an office and serve for useless needs... to which, there are no useless needs... but you get my drift....
A plan in my head elaborates : it is to do everything, no matter what, with love.
OK. LOVE.
....
There is a theory in a book * , called the theory that every particle in this world, called Earth, comes from a living cell organism that is LOVE. And in that sense, everything was made out of love. literally...( wont the religious be happy about this?! :P)
So Love is intrinsic to all of us, because we come from it, and we are it. We are made up of Love particles. So it shouldn't be a problem to treat everything and everyone with love, shouldn't it?
This book * also explains that male humans were made with 70% negativity, because they were manipulated in a laboratory in Orion, and things got nasty in the process, while female humans were made in Sirius which has a greater positivity energy... Hence, our love creators, made the call of letting males be subjected to women ( although our cultures try very hard to disprove this... because maybe they know the truth within, and must fight-do to their ego- for their piece of the pie) . Males where then subjected by sex, through which we exchange a great deal of energy- renewing his positivity; and through birth, where he comes from the woman's womb. A man who denies a woman creature, denies his own birth, or value of his life. It makes sense when you look at the muslim culture, where women are treated worst than an insect and there are bomb-man, willing to end their own life. There is no value whatsoever for the human life. NONE. ( not meant to offend, just stating my observations...that might be false, or not... :P)
Ok. But if this whole generating human process is true, and if we believe in reincarnation, and I do... At one point, we would all have experienced such negativity and such positivity... to which sense we would be neutral... Because of all the information we carry outside of our material bodies, and yet in the molecular memory of our spirit or consciousness. this leaves out our tendencies to follow either negativity or positivity...and in reality... one can only exist in this plane as being both...
But then there is this continuum theory states that this 'original race', is mixed with a race that was being developed by earths selective evolutionary process; and that these earthlings were fully negative...kkkkk
Hence, why we kill more than we learn.. or love....
It then reminds me, that it is ok to be how I am, at the moment, because it is in our engraved souls.
"Ever had the feeling you've been here before?Drinking down the poison the way you were taught
Every thought from here on in your life begins
And all you knew was wrong?"
-arriving somewhere but not here
-Porcupine
But it also reminds me , that being stationary is not an option. That actions need to be taken, movements need to be made, by me, to the universe, and the other way around.
I'm thankful for every insight I ever had, and I wish I knew just what to do with them...hehehehe
We are in the process, of learning, and understanding, of accepting, and in that sense life is short.
But when we search complete pleasure, be it in skydiving or sex or whatever, we sometimes astray from finding out that wholesome knowledge, and since we care not, in this sense life is short.
"The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind
...
The in between is mine
I am mine"
- I am mine
- Pearl Jam/ Eddie Weder
The third option, would be the only logical one : equilibrium
That life is a battle to survival ( social- financial- mental- physical) , and the path to it ....is happiness.
So to seek pleasure, it's actually making your soul better from earths petty illnesses. And as you balance between pleasure and serenity/search you have your worth and value in a community... It goes beyond having a good job, it goes to the extent that your job should also be your pleasure... the whole love thing...
I cannot state what love is, but I'm sure it includes satisfaction, willingness, acceptance, happiness, benevolence, tolerance, compassion, and other feelings of agreement and of a comprehensive feeling towards the other...
"The world is full of refugeesThey're just like you and just like me
But as people we have a choice
To end the void with all its force"
....
The gap that grows between our livesThe gap our parents never hadStop those thoughts control your mindReplace the things that you despise "
- Manic Street PreachersTo achieve that.... well
"I know that I know nothing"
- Sócrates
"Know thy self it is your greatest weapon- and your greatest possibility to love"
- unknown
"Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist"
- Pablo Picasso
I'm still searching... and it is time, that I begin experiencing... so that words are not just thrown to the wind, but that actions can provoke change in me, and in others...
to experiment goodness, as I have experimented with pleasures... I believe it is the path...
to take away the weight of problems, and just experience them as if in a controlled lab environment, where you can analyze, and study the results, and come with better solutions if it persists. :)
“Amo a regra que corrige a emoção. Amo a emoção que corrige a regra.”-George Braque."I love the rule that corrects emotion. I love the emotion that corrects the rule."
*( Intergallactic Conferece from the people of Urantia) - I think...
-All pics chalk-art are from a group of two students called Dangerdust : http://awebic.com/cultura/toda-semana-2-alunos-anonimos-entram-de-fininho-na-sala-de-aula-para-explodir-mente-de-todos/
-Pink Flyod:Wish you were here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlFdlFibE3U
-Paramore: Misguided ghosts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pm0KNzM2nJg
-Paramore: We are broken: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEXQGObRjV0
- George Braque : Cubist Painter at the time of Picasso.
-Manic Street Preachers: The Everlasting: http://letras.mus.br/manic-street-preachers/24223/#radio
- Porcupine Tree: blackest Eyes: http://letras.mus.br/porcupine-tree/182416/#radio
-Porcupine Tree: Fear of a blank planet: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbXV-eMY9nc
-Porcupine Trees: Arriving Somewhere but no here : http://letras.mus.br/porcupine-tree/433086/#radio
Pearl Jam: I am mine: http://letras.mus.br/pearl-jam/63116/
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