poema antigo

this is an old poem .. about a girl in rio, when the city was in alert, people killing eachother, violence everywhere,and i was getting drunk at the bottom of morro do macaco, this is probably 2 years old.



she saw herself imersed in thoughts
in a city she knew by heart
but that time brought some desavences
she now understood it not

the city where she had grown up
was now screaming for help
the city where she grew
was now burning violence

she stood there in herself , in her silence
and there was no exit found
she stood there still
she stood there untill

the city shw now knew
was a city of fear
a city where ghsots wew out in the clear
at 23:00

not a living soul past a childrens curfew bedtime
there stood she, observing the fire
the political and social fire that the city became
the political and social fire that burned houses ,destroyed families

there she saw the city she had once known
there she saw dispair and illusion,
there she saw the truth
that she, as the city, were all alone,
and there was nothing left to do
but to stare and wait

she now waits at home
she now sitas and watches
as before she went out
she now sits in

her voice is not heard
as she sits oppressed
afraid in reality to be heard
she prefers unspoken

fears the deaths
fears the civil war
fears the violnece
that took over her lovely town

the city she so much loved
and knew everycorner, everysand on every beach, every stone of every wall , every mountain of every spot
was now a city of ghosts
where she new nothing more

for the places she adored
were now forbidden by safety
for the places she adored
had been taken over

she now only awaits
for the better good to come
sitting in hope that a knight
will undue the tradegy

she stares at the news
tears fall down
as she faces the tv
and discovers a new town

the town she once knew
the town she once loved
was now under survaillance
under wholes on the walls

she lived in fear
as it was a constant thought
she was now prepared for the worst
the world falling apart

" at least there are no bombs
and no building being bombarded"
she thought
but as she sits alone
she hears a gunshot

the firecrackers are used
to mascarate the gunshots
guns fire to announciate the arrival of the druggs
bullets run killing one more in the head

she sits and feel vunerable
no weapon she´s got
she has a pen and a paper
on which she jots

and as a solution, she wishes she had
she does nothing but to stare
at the empty paper in front of her
the paper in her lap

the city she once knew
lies in the past
the city she now lives
claims for the peace it once had

she suffers with the city
she cries with the victims
she dies with the autrocities
she lives with the failure
she lives with the fear
she lives for survival

lost

no this post is not about the tv series lost, its about me.
hahaha as usual.


perdida;
no encanto da vida
deitada,
nua me estiro.
o ceu cimentado.
as arvores que já não são mais.


a parede me envolve,
já não sei mais pra onde ir.
tanta coisa acontecendo....

prioridades?

perdida ...

na imensidao de pensamentos
nulos que flutuam e permutam minha mente.

a entender um nada do fio da vida ,
que agora estou .

à uma nova fase vou.
talvez a volta; quem sabera?

de indas e vindas de consciencia inativa.

dinheiro é pra ter?
comida é pra comprar?
estudar é pra valer?

meu corpo em ansiedade espera
até minha mente nao mais aguentar
corroi dentro de mim vontade
apenas de gritar

jogar tds para os ares e esperar cair do ceu?
e a etica que diz que nao?
lutar! conquistar! vencer!
as vezes pra que?

quero admirar o mundo.
parar em uma montanha qualquer.
olhar!

pensar no vao da existencia em que estou
na negacao de tudo,
pensar no branco ,
no espaco entre as colunas ,
entre as letras,
pensar sem pensar,
no nada;
deixar-se levar
e apenas

apenas,

observar.
sem colher informacao,
sem tirar conclusao,

olhar.

olhar como se tudo fosse a primeira vez,
como se voltasse a ser crianca.
curiosidade das coisas que rodeiam.

parar o tempo .
viver no remoto.
para apenas poder,

olhar.